So, after Christmas, this happened. And I am still at a loss to explain to you why it happened. Nevertheless, I have to confess that the completely unreasonable arrival of the yellow Kitchenaid mixer on my kitchen makes me very happy. Even still, though, this shocks me.

In fact, this mixer is the exact opposite of the simplicity I pride myself in practising, in fact which generally I take pleasure in practising this. “Why now?” If you ask me, I honestly can’t justify it. No rainy days were saved for. I did not give money to any of the charities crying out to me, which would have made me happy. I am 78. I do bake every week, but mostly not interesting things, just what supplement my tricky diet. How many years will I have left to enjoy my new mixer? As my mother might have said “What could have possessed you?”

Anyways, let me try to explain. This lapse might strike a chord with some of you. At least you will know me as I am.

All of my years I have made do with less, I have accepted that handsome tools were not for me. Over the years, I think you could have said I deserved it, if there was any “deserve” about it. Through all the Nursery School bake sales, through the stuffed fat glass cookie jar, filled for boys and their friends coming home from school, the freezers spilling over with Christmas cookies–both for my family and, but also to have the pleasure of gifts, through the wishes of a husband who appreciated his birthday homemade spice cake, and homemade hot cross buns, as well as weekly tea breads to welcome him home from work…

All that time I managed with hand mixers which galloped through the dough, grinding and complaining, but still turning out things to please people. (My favourite of these was the Sunbeam, mostly because I liked the name. But maybe that was why I knew my Kitchenaid had to be yellow.)

So why now? I do appreciate good, well-thought-out tools, but always have accepted that to live the life Barry and I chose, such expensive things were not for me. All the same, I will confess that occasionally I would glance enviously at the counters of friends who had these handsome implements sitting on their counters smirking at me in red, silver, or racy black. I did mind when some of the friends admitted that they rarely used them. It was just something one got. Maybe for a wedding present.

This year, after Christmas, something came over me, though. I had a generous gift of Amazon money from a son, something I had planned to use for supplementing household expenses, buying things such as almond flour, or, better, Morgan would appreciate this, books. Which we all know I would probably buy anyways if I couldn’t find them on the excellent Libby library app. When I looked, given the gift card plus winter sales, the cost of a Kitchenaid would not be impossible. The odd thing was that after that I didn’t even deliberate. I pounced. I would order this, and it would definitely be yellow.

Unfortunately, after I clicked ‘buy”, because it was on sale, Amazon told me I would have to wait a whole month. Oh… A foreign lust for “right now”, something like eating too much candy, something which I really didn’t like, swept over me.

As it happened though, two days later there was a loud thud on my front porch signalling the early arrival of new stand mixer.

Am I delirious? Did it fulfill all my needs? It’s too soon to tell. I’m still learning.

I could say in excuse that it’s all part of this year’s goal to be happier, to explore more (as in baking). I will say that my purchase is delightfully, emphatically, cheerfully yellow, and, perhaps unreasonably, just seeing the handsome appliance next to my sink makes me happy. Does that make sense?